A few days ago I had a very vulnerable moment on social media. I shared a struggle that I had with not just being a perfectionist but being a people pleaser and how I’ve worked to move beyond those issues. I contemplated writing that post for days, even weeks. I was concerned about being misunderstood or it being taken the wrong way. My insecurities flooded my mind for a while but I finally let them go and hit “post.” I’ve reposted it below.

I’ve become less available for people who only use my number when they want something. The old me would complain about them later but oblige their requests. These days I reply if and when I want to and I say “No” more often. The reason is simple. I was so busy trying to make others happy or fulfill their needs of me that I was unhappy. I also convinced myself that I was the only one who could do what they needed. (What a lie!) Not anymore. I don’t care if people are upset. AND if I choose to take one of those calls, I keep it very basic. No need for pleasantries. Get to your point and hang up. I’ve wasted too much time trying to appease people at the expense of myself. No more.
I hope those who are like the old me learn to do the same. Taking care of your self first isn’t selfish but necessary.
“No” needs no explanation. #selfcare

Whew! I began to get comments, text messages and DMs from people who shared the same struggle. They were able to see my heart. They understood what it’s like to sacrifice yourself for others. (Disclaimer: this isn’t about parents, caretakers or any situation like that.)

This is about people like me who are/were people pleasers and we always said yes to people. We were taught that “no” is a bad word. We felt like upsetting someone meant that we were wrong. We felt responsible for answering any and every issue that was brought to us. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and don’t feel like we have the right to ask for help with the weight. We feel like we must carry it with a smile and as if it’s like as a feather. We must always be present, on point and never retreat. We must always wear the cape. That superhero cape. The cape that hides our insecurities, fears, pains, exhaustion, depression and litany of issues. The cape that bears the emblem of perfection to others. The cape that makes everyone else smile as we cry alone in the car.

That cape. That’s the cape that I desire to remove in this space. I am not here to have all the answers, I am here simply to share my stories, successes and struggles. I’ve been running away from writing again for far too long. The perfectionist in me over-critiques my work to the point of paralysis. Here is my effort to fight it. Fighting perfectionism. Fighting people pleasing. Fighting insecurity. I hope you join me in this journey and just for a few moments, whether in the car, at the gym or while reading this blog, you remove your cape for a little while. Embrace the beauty in your humanity and imperfections as I try to do the same.

XOXO,
Ty