I must start by saying thank you to all of you guys for your support. Your comments, likes and shares have been so encouraging over the last couple of weeks. I was a bit nervous to be so transparent and take this step but I’m glad I did. I hope it makes you smile and helps you to realize you aren’t alone if you identify as a people pleaser and/or perfectionist. Whether you are a recovering or current one, you’ve found a safe space to be.

As a perfectionist and people pleaser, I have struggled with the thought of others being upset with me. Removing the cape has helped me to rip the Band-Aid off with this issue. (More for myself than for others.) See, my focus here isn’t to talk about other people being bothered. The focus is to talk about me being bothered THAT they were bothered even though I had a right to say “no.” Make sense?

As I thought about this topic I wondered where that came from. Where did I ever think it was wrong to give people an answer that would upset them. I realized that it wasn’t just one place. It was an avalanche of several things that were totally off in nature or in my interpretation of them. The child version of Ty who was taught to be a good helper had become the adult who always felt the need to oblige when someone asked me for help. Captain Obvious Moment: I don’t mean always assisting any and every random person who ever came my way. This is about helping others when placing myself in a position of lack, whether it’s mentally, physically, financially, spiritually or with my time. I started to realize I was not assigned to every person who ever requested something of me. That was hard for me to accept. I always thought it was only slightly acceptable to say no when it wasn’t possible for me to fulfill a request. (Let’s pause right here for a second. I also must deal with my ego and love of making the impossible possible and wearing the superwoman cape with pride. That’s a post for later. Ok, back to where we were.) Somewhere along the way I told myself that I was wrong if people were not happy with me. The more I ran that marathon, the more exhausted I found myself. I was depleted from trying to please others only to realize that it would be a never-ending battle.

That’s where the problem was. Why did I feel like it was a problem if people were upset with me? That took some soul searching and a little wedding planning. That’s right. Planning my October 2017 wedding was a huge step for me in “Sometimes You Just Have to Make Them Mad” University. The first course was “They Will Get Over It.” It seems so simple but as people pleasers we think our actions are cemented in the lives of others and become the focal point of their existence. I know that was dramatic and extra but you get my point. The course of planning the wedding helped me to become more comfortable with upsetting people. It was a crash course but one I desperately needed.

Can I anyone relate to that? Have you had your first course? Did you pass or did you have to repeat it several times like I did?

XOXO,